2010
[ THE DEAD ERA ]
During this time my personality and psychology changed dramatically. I started to abuse drugs/alcohol more. And I became less in touch with reality and worst of all, I lost any consideration or interest in spirituality. This really destroyed me, and gutted me. I became fed with myself, and with life. I wanted to die. I did actually get into some random and severe auto accidents. And later tried a myriad of pills to kill myself. The worst attempt was with a rope, that I found myself laying on the ground with bruising around my neck, and feeling completely just void and numb. I had no idea how I could have survived through that, I must have passed out while hanging in the door frame, and I eventually fell to the floor. As I said, I had noticeable bruising around my throat. I was in and out of mental hospitals, psychiatric facilities, you name it! been there and done it. Multiple times, whether it be Forest View, Pine Rest, Insight Psychiatric Hospital and Stonecrest Center. I was a mess, and in extreme distress. I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed and wanted to die, but why??? because to me, life had no meaning. But then......
